


Heart or butt, it's all the same

by p0em



Category: The Martian (2015), The Martian - All Media Types, The Martian - Andy Weir
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-04
Updated: 2016-02-04
Packaged: 2018-05-18 05:10:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5899468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/p0em/pseuds/p0em
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mark Watney was dead. He couldn’t believe it, he couldn’t. Why now? Why him?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heart or butt, it's all the same

**Author's Note:**

> This story is for Noémie, who dragged me (or not) to see the movie and practically shoved the book into my face until I read it. Don’t know how it happened but I found myself shipping Mark and Mitch and desperate with the lack of fics about these two.  
> I’ve been thinking so much about Mitch’s background and couldn’t get any of it in this story, so I might write more about this ship.

Mark Watney was dead.  
Four little words that made Mitch’s heart stop. He couldn’t believe it, he couldn’t.  
He had been called as soon as the storm had been detected and the whole control center had watched, powerless, as Ares 3 had to abort after only six Sols. No one had dared to speak until Commander Lewis reported in. Watney was hit. We lost contact with him. Every data we had pointed out that he couldn’t have survived. Mark Watney was dead and everyone in the room turned to look at Mitch, to see the reaction of the director of the mission. They all had been prepared for this eventuality, after all space travel had never been a hundred percent safe, but they hadn’t had any incident on the previous Ares missions. This was unexpected.  
Why now? Why him?

The following couple of days were a blur. The NASA was in a frenzy (Teddy had never used his red binder that much since he joined the NASA), Mitch had to make some speeches as well, had called himself Mark’s parents, but mostly he stayed in the control center and talked with Lewis to make sure everyone on the Hermes was alright.  
It’s been two long days before Mitch could go home, and when he entered his flat and was finally alone for the first time since he learned about Mark’s death, he cried.  
He didn’t remember when he got himself a drink, but the bottle of whiskey soon looked far emptier than he recalled. He didn’t leave his couch the whole night, he didn’t sleep. He still couldn’t believe Mark was dead, that he wouldn’t see his face again, or hear his laugh.  
He undid the knot of his tie, opened the first two buttons of his shirt and laid back on the couch, empty glass in his hand.  
Five months had gone since Mark was last here, but he could still remember it like it was yesterday. It was early June; the whole Ares 3 team had a permission leave of a week, the last one before the final month of preparation and the departure. Mitch had been home, spending a quiet evening when the doorbell rang.  
He tried to hide his surprise when he saw Mark in the hallway, but he doubted he succeeded.  
“Hi” Mark said with a sheepish grin.  
“What are you doing here? You’re due to return only tomorrow.”  
Maybe that wasn’t the best response, but Mitch had been caught off guard. If he hadn’t learned to read Mark’s expression, he might have not seen the way his smile dampened for a moment, before he shrugged and leaned against the wall.  
“Well, I spend a few days with my parents, I saw my friends, but then I wondered, ‘who would be the person I really want to be with before I leave Earth for a year?’ and I realized they weren’t in Chicago.” He paused for a moment, but seeing no reaction from Mitch, he asked: “Aren’t you going to let me in?”  
“Watney—“  
“Come on, it’s my last free night before I leave Earth and I might not return. Are you really going to leave me out there all alone?”  
If Mitch didn’t know better, he could have sworn Mark was pouting. With a sigh he left the door opened behind him and went back to the living-room. Mark closed the door and followed him, leaving his bag behind the couch while Mitch turned down the TV. He was nervous when he looked back at his unexpected guest, whose smile had practically disappeared. Mark didn’t so sure of himself now.  
“You know why I’m here, right?” he wondered, staring at Mitch like he was trying to read his mind to find all the answers to the questions he didn’t dare to ask.  
“Yes,” Mitch answered, trying not to stare too much.  
During the two years program of preparation for Ares 3, they had learned to know each other. It was Mitch’s job, he had to know each member of the team, to anticipate their needs and their reactions when they would be in space. He had to make sure the team would work well together. He should have known he couldn’t have resisted Mark’s attraction. Mark had a way to be liked by everyone, always with a joke ready, he had this way to know how to make everyone smile even in the direst situation. That’s was one of the main reasons he was such a great asset to the team. Mitch didn’t know exactly when he started falling for him, but when he realized it, it was way too late. Still, he knew how to be professional (there was a reason he was at this post) and he tried to put some distance between Mark and him, he really tried, but the more he went away, the more Mark would come after him. But then what would be the point? Even if it wasn’t against NASA policies, Mitch couldn’t see himself starting something with Mark when the astronaut had to leave a few weeks later.  
Yet Mark was here. His last free night on Earth as he said, and he chose to spend it here with him.  
“Watney, you know I can’t.”  
Even if NASA wasn’t too uptight on fraternization between coworkers, there were some rules everybody knew. For obvious reasons, relationships between astronauts were heavily frowned upon, but these rules also applied to Mitch. He was the director of the mission; even if he had grown close to the team these past couple of years, everyone expected him to remain impartial when time would come to make decisions about them. If he was too close to one of them, no one would trust him.  
But Mark was here. He knew all about it too, and he still came. He walked toward Mitch and stopped before him, their chests almost touching. Mitch had to lift his head a little to look up at Mark. His smile had completely disappeared, his gaze heavy with a seriousness Mitch had never seen before.  
“Mitch.”  
It was a murmur, like a prayer. Mitch closed his eyes, sighed.  
“I won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to,” Mark said, his voice strangely calm and reassuring. “Just let me stay here for the night.”  
Mitched nodded. He felt a brush of air and when he opened his eyes, Mark had stepped back.  
“So, what’s for dinner tonight?”  
And just like that, the moment was broken. Mitch didn’t know if he felt more relieved or disappointed about it.

They had pizzas delivered; Mitch went to retrieve a pack of beer from his fridge while Mark took control of the remote. They watched a retransmission of a match of the Cubs and Mitch may or may have not spent more time looking at Mark than the TV screen. It was remarkable, really, how Mark could be delighted from the simplest thing. His attention was completely on the game, even if he had already seen it, cheering and booing with the crowd. Sometimes he would stop to take a sip of his beer or a bite of his pizza, and he would look at Mitch and smile. It wasn’t his usual smile, it seemed more private, more intimate, and Mitch could hardly restrain himself from kissing it.  
It was ridiculous, he thought when he saw Mark like that. They were both responsible and consenting adults, they could do anything they wanted. It would be so easy to lean against Mark, touch him and kiss him, just for one night. Unfortunately Mitch knew himself too well. He was ridiculously in love with Mark (and he always had to restrain himself from snorting when he thought about it, it made him feel like he was still in high school pinning after his first crush) and one night wouldn’t satisfy him.  
A few hours later, Mitch was looking for a pair of sheet to make the bed for Mark on the couch. When he came back, the TV was off and Mark was putting an old T-shirt over his head. The colors were long faded, but the logo of the University of Chicago could still be seen. Mitch coughed and Mark looked up, smiling.  
“Thanks,” he said, taking the sheets from Mitch’s hands.  
Their fingers brushed and Mitch’s breath caught in his throat. It would be so easy… For God’s sake! He wasn’t 15 anymore. He lifted his head, and realized Mark was way closer than he thought. He couldn’t. Tomorrow they would go back to the base, Mark would be leaving in a month. But he was right there, right now. Mark licked his lips, the movement catching Mitch’s eyes.  
“Mark…”  
Fuck it! He raised a hand, slowly, like he was waiting for Mark’s permission. He nodded, and Mitch brushed his fingers against his cheek, his jaw. Mark closed his eyes as his lips smiled a small smile Mitch had never seen before. That was the last straw. Cradling Mark’s head between his hands, he kissed him.  
Their lips grazed each other, assessing the others. It was gentle at first; they had waited for so long, Mitch didn’t want to rush. If it was the only night he could have, he wanted to make the most of it. Mark put his hands on him, passing from his arms to his back, from his neck to his hips. It felt like they were everywhere and he couldn’t get enough. Their breath became heavier and Mitch pressed against him as their mouths opened and their tongues met each other. It has been so long since he had been with someone else! It was overwhelming, but he didn’t stop, didn’t want to. Still, they soon ran out of breath and they had to break apart. Mark leaned his forehead against his, their arms still around each other and Mitch couldn’t recall the last time he had felt like that, at peace.  
“Fuck…”  
Mark chuckled, his breath caressing Mitch’s lips.  
“Couldn’t have said better,” he said, nuzzling Mitch.  
He nipped at his jaw, his neck and Mitch closed his eyes, letting the sensations take over. Mark knew what he was doing, and he was doing it very well. Mitch could hardly breathe when Mark came back to kiss him when at the same time, his hands started to pull away his shirt. When it felt on the floor, Mark stopped and leaned back to look at him; his eyes were sparkling like he had never seen anything more beautiful. Mitch smiled.  
“Like what you see?”  
“You bet!”  
Mitch laughed and went to take Mark’s T-shirt. It felt soft between his fingers and he lifted it slowly. When it was gone, he couldn’t help but touch the naked skin, letting his hands roam over everywhere. It was like he couldn’t get enough.  
“God, you’re so beautiful.”  
Mark smiled and before Mitch realized what was happening, he was fully kissing him. Hands went to his trousers and started to take off the belt.  
“Your room. Please.”  
Mitch didn’t need to be said twice. Never letting completely go of Mark, he led them back to his bedroom, dropping the rest of their clothes along the way. Soon his calves hit the bed and he laid back on it, Mark looming over him.  
“Do you know how long I’ve wanted this? Fuck, Mitch!”  
Mitch straightened up, leaning back on one hand, the other raising to Mark’s neck.  
“I’m here now. Sorry to have made you wait for so long.”  
Mark didn’t say anything. He took a deep breath and straddled Mitch’s thighs, putting his arms around him like he never wanted to let go.  
“I—“  
His eyes didn’t quite reach Mitch’s, who was surprised by the struggle he seemed to have.  
“What?”  
“I’ve felt— It’s been months and— Mitch, I—“  
His voice broke and he closed his eyes. Mitch put gently their foreheads together and breathed:  
“It’s okay. I know. I feel the same way.”  
He was in love with Mark Watney, God! He loved him! But he couldn’t say it. He had never said it before, expect for his parents and his kids, and that seemed to have been the reason for one too many break-up. He didn’t know why it seemed so hard for him to speak about his feelings, but he was surprised to see Mark having a hard time with it too. He always seemed so open usually.  
“It’s okay,” he said again. “You don’t have to say it, I know.”  
Mark looked up at him and his eyes shone almost fervently. They kissed and touched and caressed each other, and Mitch had never hoped so much for the next day to never come.

They were both naked, lying between the sheets, Mitch’s head upon Mark’s torso, as if he was listening to his heartbeat, while Mark was stroking his hair. They should be sleeping, but it was the time of the night when you realize it wouldn’t matter if you manage to fall asleep now. Sometimes words were exchanged, but they were mostly listening to each other’s breath, enjoying the peacefulness of the moment.  
“I almost went to Mars,” Mitch suddenly declared, looking up at Mark.  
“Why didn’t you?” Mark asked with brows furrowed.  
“When I was a kid, my father and I used to collect all sort of rocks.” He propelled himself on his elbow, his free hand taking his head’s place on Mark. “We had hundreds from all over the world and even some from meteors. One day, I said to my dad that, since we’ve apparently found all the rocks there was on Earth, we should search elsewhere. It made him laugh but I promised that one day I’ll bring him a rock from the Moon.  
“I was selected to be a part of the team from Ares 1. It wouldn’t have been the Moon, but I’m sure Dad wouldn’t have mind.”  
Mark stared at him, gaping. Mitch wasn’t surprised; only a few people at the NASA knew about it.  
“What happened?”  
“A week before starting the program, I had a car accident. It was my fault, I was on the phone and I didn’t pay attention. I spend two months at the hospital and I never fully recovered the use of my left arm.”  
Mark kept silent, and Mitch was grateful. There had been so many people sorry for himself he couldn’t stand it anymore. The accident hadn’t only meant the end of his dream career but also the end of his marriage, and when Doug left, he took the kids with him. Mitch couldn’t even blame him; he had been in such a bad place, it had been better and safer for the kids to get away.  
Mark seemed to understand and when Mitch went to lay against him, his head in the crook of his neck, he was smiling.  
“What?”  
“Just thinking. I’ll probably have space in my bags to take back a couple of rocks when I get back.”  
Mitch laughed and shook his head.  
“As long as you come back,” he said almost silently, he wasn’t even sure Mark had heard him. Still, Mark’s arm tightened over him and he kissed the top of his head. They laid in each other arms until it was time to leave and go back to the base.

Mark wouldn’t be coming back. Mark was dead.  
For a moment, Mitch wished it had been another member of the team, but as soon as he thought that, he felt guilty. He sat up and he helped himself to another drink.  
When he went back to work the next day with dark rings under his eyes, his assistant silently brought him a glass with a couple of aspirin. No one dared to make any remark. Even Teddy suspiciously remained silent.

*

Christmas was one week away.  
Some decorations had made their way to the base, everyone seemed to smile a little more easily. Even Mitch had been touched by the festive spirit and kept a good face in front of his colleagues and subordinates, though when he was alone in his office, he felt emptier than ever. It’s been a little more than a month since they had learned the news about Mark’s death, and it was too soon, too fresh on his mind. He had spent sleepless nights wondering about it. Had he suffered? Did he realized what happened to him? He knew he wasn’t the only one deeply affected by it. He had been talking with Commander Lewis a lot since the storm and he had tried to take some of her guilt off her shoulders. They both knew Mark wouldn't have held it against her, it was an accident, there’s nothing she could have done. Still, it was harder for her to grieve than the rest of team, feeling like she was responsible for his death and Mitch felt hopelessly helpless. Mark had died alone, far from anything and anyone, and it would be years before his body could come back to Earth (if the NASA ever decided to get him back).  
Mitch had been to the funerals, he had watched Mark’s parents cry before the empty hearse. There had been a few friends, some relatives and mostly colleagues. Seeing all the tears, Mitch knew Mark had really been liked, loved by these persons. So many would miss him.  
He looked up from a report he had been trying to read and turned around to face the window. It was mid-afternoon, the NASA bustling with people. He remembered Mark’s smiles and laughs, tried to remember his jokes. Sometime, when he closed his eyes, he felt like he could still feel his hands on him, his lips on his. More than once, Mitch had taken the old Chicago University shirt Mark had forgotten that last night, and he had smelled it, believing Mark’s scent was still on it.  
Christmas was in a week, but Mitch didn’t feel like celebrating the holidays. He would go see his parents, exchange some gifts and a meal, and come back to his empty flat. It wouldn’t really be a change from the past years, even if he had never felt so depressed before.  
Mitch didn’t believe in God or any other religion. His parents were Protestants, but he had always felt like he was more a man of science than of faith. When he received the call telling him Mark Watney was thought to be alive, he thought maybe there was actually a God out there. It was almost Christmas, and a miracle had happened.

Of course, it couldn’t be that easy. They had no way to communicate with Mark, and he would probably run out of food before any help could be sent his way. If Mitch didn’t quite believe in God, he had faith in Mark. With all he had, he latched onto the hope that Mark would survive long enough to come back.

*

Two years had passed. Two long years Mitch thought he wouldn’t survive.  
As his position commanded it, he had watched closely the rescue of Mark, but he wasn’t the one to make the final decisions and it had been hard. It had been hard staying there while Teddy refused the Rich Purnell maneuver, and thus condemned Mark.  
That was exactly why he had refused to have a relationship with Mark. He understood Teddy, but he couldn’t accept it. Perhaps if it had been another… But it was Mark out there and Mitch couldn’t leave him. He knew he could get fired for going behind everyone’s back to send the maneuver to Ares 3, and he didn’t care. If it meant Mark would come back and be here, Mitch would do it again and again.  
Two years had passed since they had started watching Mark survive on Mars, escaping narrowly death several times. More than once, Mitch had felt like dying too, but he never lost hope.  
Two years had passed, and Ares 3 was coming back to Earth just in time for Christmas. Mitch watched on a screen from the control center the arrival of Ares 3, his breath getting shorter with each member that came out, until it almost stopped when Mark finally showed itself. Everyone in the room clapped and screamed the same way the crowd on the tarmac and probably everyone around the world did. Mitch kept an eye on Mark until he saw him hugging his parents, laughing and crying, and finally he could breathe again.  
Some clapped him on the shoulder, others only smiled at him as he went around the room to congratulate everyone before leaving for the last time. After the holidays, he would have to give his resignation to Teddy. He would lose his job, but at least Mark was back on Earth.

He managed to see the team before leaving. They had to spend a couple of days in the medical quarters before being released. He tried not to stare too much at Mark as he explained them why he needed to leave the NASA. Judging by Lewis looks, he didn’t succeed. They had probably all guessed anyway. Mark didn’t say anything, just watched him. There were so many things Mitch wanted to tell him, but it wasn’t the time nor the place.  
Soon he left.

*

It was New Year’s Eve. Everyone was out in the street celebrating, singing and drinking, but Mitch wasn’t in the mood. He would probably take some cooked meal from the freezer, watch a movie and go to bed before midnight. Life as a single unemployed man was truly sad, indeed.  
Suddenly there was a knock on his door. He had no idea who it could be, probably a neighbor in need of a corkscrew or something like that. When he opened the door and saw Mark, he felt more relieved than surprised.  
“Mark?”  
“Hi. Can I come in before anyone sees me?”  
It was impossible to not have heard about Mark. His face was regularly on every screen of the country since his return, every journalist wanting to talk to him even for a few minutes. It probably wasn’t easy to go on with his life as before when anyone could recognize him.  
Mitch cast a look over Mark’s shoulder and indeed, there was a couple of people coming out from the elevator and walking in their direction. He didn’t hesitate and let Mark come in and closed the door behind them before anyone saw the astronaut.  
“So, what are you—“  
Lips on his mouth kept him from talking and he instinctively put his arms around Mark. It’s been so long! The relief to finally feel him against him after two years and a half and thinking him dead and fear for his life for as long was so big he almost burst in tears. He probably would have felt to the ground if Mark hadn’t held him.  
“Sorry to barge in like that,” Mark finally said when they broke apart to take a breath, looking a little sheepish. “But I really needed to see you.”  
“I thought you would be with your family, I didn’t want to intrude.”  
Mark snorted, making Mitch smiled.  
“Lewis told me on the Hermes what you did. I wish I could tell you that you were an idiot to risk your position for this, but all I can say is _thank you_. Thank you for saving me.”  
Mitch looked down for a moment, trying not to feel too embarrassed.  
“You should thank Lewis and the team, they made the final decision, I just gave them all the information we had.”  
Mark shook his head and tightened his arms around him.  
“Thank _you_ ,” he said again, staring intently at Mitch.  
He couldn’t withstand that look, so Mitch did the first thing that came to his mind: he kissed him. He kissed him with all he had, hoping his lips would convey what he couldn’t say in words. He kissed desperately, passionately, fervently.  
“I hope you didn’t find someone else when I was out,” Mark managed to say between two kisses, and Mitch leaned back to look at him incredulously.  
“For fuck’s sake, Mark, I thought you were dead, and when we learned you were still alive, I spent every moment trying to find a way to bring you back. I didn’t have time to think about anything or anyone else but you.”  
His voice may have been more vindictive that he would have like, but the idea of him being with someone else seemed so incongruous!  
“Good,” Mark replied with a smirk. “Because I’ve been thinking a lot about you and now that we don’t work together anymore, there are a few things I’d like to do.”  
“Really?” Mitched teased him. “And what is that?”  
“I could tell you, but I think I should probably just show you.”  
Mitch did go to bed before midnight that night, but he barely managed to sleep. That was a New Year’s Eve he would remember.

They didn’t left the flat for two days, and Mark turned his phone off after too many calls from too many people he mostly didn’t know. They took the time to learn each other, finding what made the other shiver and quiver. They kissed and spoke and laughed. Mitch didn’t want it to end.

“Oh! I almost forgot!”  
“What?”  
They were still in bed, the winter sun bright and high in the sky, barely shut off by the blue curtains. Mark didn’t answer, only threw a teasing smile at Mitch before leaving the room, stark naked. Mitch pondered if he should get up too and see what that was all about, but before he came to any decision, Mark was already back, his right hand hidden behind his back. He sat on the mattress and Mitch straightened up against the headboard.  
“What’s that?”  
“A little souvenir I managed to take back. I have the honor to give you the first civilian-owned Martian rock!” Mark said as he opened his hand between them with a little flourish.  
“You remembered?”  
“Of course. And I tell you, I had plenty of time to find you the finest of the finest.”  
Mitch laughed and took the rock. It wasn’t more than three centimeters high and large. It seemed so tiny in his palm, yet at the same time it looked huge.  
“Look, if you hold it that way, it looks like a heart.”  
Mitch squinted and snorted.  
“Looks more like a butt to me.”  
“Well, I was trying to go for a bit of romantic there! But it did remind me of you.”  
He looked up at Mark, and he wasn’t fooled by his smile. He may joke about it, but when you paid enough attention, you could see the smiles didn’t quite reach his eyes and his laughs sometimes sounded hollow. Mitch leaned forward and took him by his neck.  
“I love you,” he said and he felt his heart grew as the same time Mark’s smile became more sincere, touched.  
Mark kissed him and Mitch had barely time to put the rock away before Mark was straddling him.  
“I love you too. And I’m not leaving again for a long time.”  
A laugh escaped Mitch.  
“Good. I quite like you here.”  
“Who wouldn’t? I’ve been told I have a ‘winning personality and an irresistible charm’. You never stood a chance.”  
“No, I didn’t.”  
And he was completely alright with that.


End file.
